its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
