Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
