A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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