You're a womanizer and a bitch.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
There's even glitter on my cock...
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