I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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