Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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