So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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