you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
