Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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