Me. At least after what I've been through.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
