can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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