he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
BRING THE BAGELS
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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