my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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