the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
