Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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