yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
