Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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