Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize