The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
