I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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