my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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