stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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