Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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