I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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