i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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