my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
