You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
