$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
