Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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