Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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