Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
