That's when you crack a 10am beer
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
