can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
