Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
