I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
