just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize