It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
