I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
