You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
