Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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