butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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