Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize