what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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