The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
