Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
