Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
