Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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