Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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