ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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