Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize