I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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