Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
