My Higher Power is John Stamos
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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