I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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