i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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