Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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