"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
