ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize