Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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