we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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