my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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