Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
