Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
