she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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