I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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