if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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