Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
